As a self-aware leader, I’ve learned that one of the biggest challenges we face isn’t external—it’s the internal battle with our own ego. Ego can be tricky; it often disguises itself as confidence or ambition, which is why many leaders don’t even realize when it's in control. But make no mistake: if left unchecked, ego will slowly erode your leadership, relationships, and your team's ability to thrive.
I’ve fallen into the ego trap myself, and I’m not afraid to admit it. The ego wants to be in the spotlight, to be the one with all the answers, and to silence dissent. It makes us defensive when we should be open, and it compels us to micromanage when we should be empowering others. Worse, it leads us to take credit for victories and deflect blame when things go wrong. Sound familiar?
Let’s be real: we’ve all been there. Whether you're a business leader, military officer, or spiritual guide, that voice inside sometimes says, “You did this. You made it happen. You’re indispensable.” While this might feel good in the moment, it’s a destructive path. When ego takes the wheel, the vehicle of leadership runs off course, and the collateral damage is trust, creativity, and collaboration.
The first step to taming the ego is self-awareness. You have to recognize when your ego is running the show. Here are some signs I’ve encountered in my own journey:
Feeling threatened by differing opinions. Do you bristle when someone challenges your perspective?
Taking all the credit. Do you struggle to share the wins with your team?
Blaming others for failure. Do you instinctively look for scapegoats when things go wrong?
If you see yourself in any of these, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Self-awareness isn’t a destination; it’s an ongoing process. So, what can we do about it?
1. Cultivate Humility
It’s crucial to remind ourselves that we don’t have all the answers. No matter how much experience we accumulate, there's always something to learn. This can be hard for those of us who’ve been rewarded for our confidence and decisiveness. But humility isn’t about shrinking away from responsibility—it’s about knowing that leadership is a team effort. I’ve found that when I actively ask for input, especially from less experienced team members, I get fresh perspectives that would’ve been lost if I let my ego dominate.
2. Practice Active Listening
Too often, leaders think they’re listening when really, they’re waiting for their turn to speak. Active listening is about being present and fully engaged with what’s being said. It’s not just about hearing words; it’s about understanding the emotions, intentions, and perspectives behind them. I’ve had to train myself to ask more questions and offer fewer answers. Doing this doesn’t just help me grow—it empowers my team to own their contributions and ideas.
3. Admit Your Mistakes
We all screw up. What separates a good leader from a great one is the ability to own it when we do. I’ve found that apologizing—especially when my ego’s been the culprit—creates an environment of transparency. It shows my team that it’s okay to fail, as long as we own our missteps and learn from them. I once had a situation where I got frustrated and lashed out. Later, I went back, apologized, and said, “That was my ego talking.” That simple act of owning my fault didn’t just mend the relationship—it deepened the trust and respect within the team.
4. Celebrate the Success of Others
Leadership isn’t about being the hero—it’s about creating heroes. If you're always the one getting the praise, you're limiting your team's growth. I’ve made it a personal mission to give credit away, and it’s transformed how my team operates. When people feel seen and valued for their contributions, they bring more to the table. As leaders, it’s our job to recognize and uplift, not hoard the spotlight.
5. Coach Your Team on Ego Awareness
It’s not just about managing your own ego; part of your role as a leader is to help your team manage theirs. Encourage self-reflection and provide constructive feedback. When someone’s ego is harming the team dynamic, have an honest conversation. Ask them to consider how their actions are affecting the bigger picture. High performers in particular crave this type of coaching—don’t shy away from it.
Conclusion
Taming the ego is an ongoing challenge for all leaders. It requires constant self-awareness and a willingness to confront our shortcomings. But when we get it right, the benefits are immense. We create an environment where people feel valued, where creativity can flourish, and where trust isn’t just an ideal, but a lived reality.
If you’re serious about leading well, it starts with checking your ego at the door. Create space for humility, active listening, and vulnerability. In doing so, you’ll unlock not just your own potential but the full potential of your team.
After all, leadership isn’t about being the strongest, smartest, or most confident—it’s about guiding others to discover their own strength, wisdom, and confidence.
Remember: The ego is not your enemy, but it must be kept in its place.
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